2022 February



19-2-2022


I am disgusted with my life .


 I studied geology to work in mining or gemstone or palaeontology .

But there are often about 2 jobs of geology in my place , 100 of engineering , 250 of banking sales and management .

I see online career programs offered by universities but to go there (in europe or usa) I require $10000 as fixed deposit , and $ in thousands for education and living .
I work in an insurance company now because livelihood is important it but with my small salary it only possible to make livelihood and not get any education or job in my chosen field . Maybe it is good to dream , but more good to wake up and see the reality it .



19-2-2022

Modern society .


 Price of 1 call on phone = $0.05

Price of 1 gb internet = $0.4
Price of 1 kg rice or bread = $5 .

Price of playing games on internet = $0.1 or negligible .
Price of watching television for 2 hours = $0.2 or negligible .
Price of 1 time eating lunch = $10 .

It is so modern world , that a poor man can pay for play video games which can never fulfil his stomach or provide shelter , or watch television or use internet for hours , but can not arrange a decent single time of food .




19-2-2022


Loser of mind and heart . 


 In college I find that in 1 subject I had failed .


I gave fees to improve it .

Parents asked result and I could not say I had failed .

Girlfriend broke up because I was not going to Uk .

And the landlord used to be helicopter , do this , do that , and make fun of me behind my back that I m ugly and I do nothing .

But girlfriend breaking up was the only thing which hurt .

Since then I had lost mind , lost my common sense , lost hair , gained weight , and parents keep scolding to earn money .

I wish to earn , but because of their behaviour I was living far since so many years , and could not tell that I could not complete post graduation due to failing .

I believed that my girlfriend love me most , but then she started chasing british guys . 



19-2-2022


Money looks beautiful in hands of wet person who lives like simple presence , never spends anything .


Live like common person .

And a simple person looks great when he not boasts his money , nor spend like a needy .


Needs of arid , poor man , and rich man are same , water and vegetables , use that money for some own tragedy , and charity to the poor .

Let no one die of hunger , or uneducation .


19-2-2022


No job it .


I wish to die .

I m not getting a job .

In my geophysics field , coz there are no jobs in it .

There are only engineering and sales and banking jobs everywhere .

If I work in banking , I may not be able to save money to work abroad in my field , europe , america , japan are all 1000x costly in education , living , expenditure .

Maybe I save money 10 years and then go there .

Even in banking I may be only pressured to sell bank products , what is this pressure all about if I can't work in sector which I studied in .




19-2-2022


Irony of people is that often a 18 year old wishes to die , and a 81 year old wishes to live .


18 year old thinks himself a man , 81 year old think himself a young boy .

18 year old wishes to get rid of people , and 81 year old wishes to be in between people .




19-2-2022


Let people live normally . Adani Tata


Let people cultivate their farms and europeans not attack them .

Let people eat their bread and Usa not bomb them .

Let people sleep peacefully and Nato not missile them .

But this doesn't happen .

And people believe that happiness only exist in Europe or North america .



19-2-2022


Materialistic Guy's True love .


Girlfriend : I m not sure of people of your race ( I only wish to have a british boyfriend ) .

Me spending years to become like british or american minded .

Girlfriend : You don't have big dreams ( Seen english guys having their own car and business and homе while you have nothing ) .

Me : Ignores idea of being a scientist in Russia , to be a businessman in Britain .

Girlfriend : Let us breakup because you are not going to UK ( White skinned race of england or spain impresses me even if you were going to live in England with me ) .

Me spends years to become yellow skinned .


And if any person think that I am a big donkey ,
then Yes I am .

I miss my earlier girlfriend , who loved me as I am , and what I wish to do , or achieve in life .




19-2-2022


Sometimes an illitrate person is more intelligent than highly educated person .


Sometimes a non religious person is more moral than a religious person .

Sometimes a fool is wiser than a saint .


Then what is real education ? On the basis of which a perfect person can be grown .




19-2-2022


People who tell you to be capitalist and selfish ask if you have team skills and community skills . Where do we get these skills from ?


People who are in the corporate sector .

Break from families , make relations or teams in companies .

Not care if you are nice to your family people , but you have to be in etiquettes and always smile to your corporate people .




19-2-2022


This world belong to those who own money , either through begging , or by stealing .


Government steals ,
Businessman begs ,
Public toils and earn .

By constitution , government is servant of public .

But in reality it is servant of businessman ,

And public is servant of businessman .

Public brings profits for businessman , who makes money , and with that money runs government , and government fools public and take taxes from public as well .



19-2-2022

Why is physical labour cheaper than mental labour ?


Climbing electric poles , maintaining a floor of huge building , farming , cleaning houses , driving trucks or tractors , mechanics , their job is 1000 times risky than actors or businessmen or politicians .
And their salary is less than 1% of the actor's or capitalist's income .



19-2-2022

Why do public requires only one leader , not 5 or 10 ?


One of the best examples is a Child , who requires both Father and Mother to become a great person , and third is his own mind , or environment , to be great person .

If every organism require 2-3 people to be governed by ,

Why do millions of people only like to keep 1 president or 1 king ?





19-2-2022


Many people dying in poverty , many old people living on roads .




feel bad how can their sons or daughters leave them , many people who now beg as well , for they had been abandoned by their children .

I can never be a son like that , but my mother who calls me monster and evil when I wished to study science but not engineering , used to hate me when I wished to make grandfather happy . and pedophile father who spends time in watching xvideos in phone , and mother telling me that my father is a saint and I must never say anything bad about him .



19-2-2022





People born as kids of religious organisations , stay leader always .




Kids born of kings or queens remain king or queen as well .

People born on field of gold or petroleum are born millionaires .


Some people do not have to do anything to be rich , but have the genes .

One born in garbage to poor parents have to work hard to become middle class or even rich . On his work , petrol people profit , on his income king profit , on his beliefs religions profit .



19-2-2022


There is no benefit in dying , but it is less painful than living . 




Living , all life I may wonder why my mother never loved me ,
Why father was a stranger ,
Why grandparents were wicked ,
Why sister hated ,

Why friends

Why Ep woman was flirting when I wished her to be motherly ,
Why ep man was asking for prostitutes when I considered him a decent person ,

Why first girlfriend cheated ,
Second had blocked me ,
Third also cheated .

Why sw friends wish aquaintance but no real friendship ,

College friends were good but since I got less marks in exams they not like to talk .

Workplace , I work to feed myself , no relationship of relatives , no relationship of love , so how can imagine relationship of grandchildren .

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Not use earphone ,

 Not use earphone ,  Keep fan low often .  study for amateur job .  keeps ears cold .  lay on stomach it ,  vitamin c or citric acid .